Dad's day

I'd been thinking of a father's day post for a while and then it snuck up on me. Father's day now means more to me than it ever had before. Within the last few years I've come to appreciate and realize how much of an impact my dad has made on my life.

Today was way more emotional than I thought it would be, maybe because I don't think I'm too emotional of a person or because I'm a little exhausted from the past week of camp, but nevertheless it was. I almost cried in church when a video was shown to portray the example a father is to their son especially. It broke my heart to think of the men and women who never had a good example of a father in their life, maybe because their father passed away or their dad was just a deadbeat. 

I recently spoke at a father/daughter banquet, which isn't normally my thing to speak in front of people, but I was really excited about what I was going to say. It was definitely a thing from God, as the subject I was to speak about was something that God had laid on my heart a while ago. And this is what I talked about:

My relationship with my dad gives me a picture of the relationship I have with God. Granted my dad isn't perfect like my Heavenly Father, but I can still learn a lot about God from my dad.

When God gave Adam his wife, Adam named her 'Eve'. By naming her, Adam was showing he took responsibility for her. The same happens today with last names- I will have my father's last name until marriage and that is symbolic of the change in responsibly from my dad to my husband. So being single means my dad is the man responsible for me. My dad wants to look after and protect me, but it's also my responsibility to be obedient to him and show him respect.

Looking back, I'm extremely thankful that my dad was protective of me, especially in my teenage years with guys, even though in the moment I often felt like a princess locked in a big castle away from the world. I know my dad was that way because he loved me and didn't want me to be hurt by young men who weren't right for me.

Another way I know my dad loves me is that he provides for me and blesses me with good things. My dad treats me like a princess- aka buys me lots of ice cream. My dad isn't overly affectionate with his words, but shows me through his actions: He hasn't kicked me out of his house(yay for saving up money). He doesn't let me believe the lies I tell myself about making sure I need to get ahead in life and find a job that makes the most money. He's provided me with a job(even if it means I have to deal with people like Chris Brooks and Ken Wyant on a daily basis, I'm still thankful anyway). He helps me by making sure my car is running properly and such. In all of those ways I can see my dad loves and values me.

God provides for us, God protects us with His rules and guidance. He wants and knows what is best for us, even if we don't like the answers and ways He shows us. God will not always give us what we want, be He will always give us what we need. God also values us more than any earthly being ever could, He wants to be our king and treat us like royalty. He constantly provides for our needs.

My earthly dad's love for me has effected me in ways I'm sure I can't fully see or understand. But one thing I know is that my dad's love has shown me how to be okay in my own skin. I'm confident in myself because my dad and my brothers have shown me that they love me for who I am: weird, corny, unladylike at times, just me. And I'm perfectly fine with me the way I am.

I've seen many of my friends who don't have godly fathers run after other guys to try to get that love and attention they so badly wanted from their dads. It doesn't have to be that way, but parents do make a huge difference in the lives of their kids, and neither the child or parents often understand that. 

Moral of this story: dad's help shape us into who we are. So if you have a dad who loves you, be thankful and tell him so often. Godly parents are a gift!

For many of you who don't: be thankful for a God who is far better than any earthly father we could ask for. There should always be men in the church who can give you a glimpse of what a Christian father looks like, learn from them.

To my dad- I love you more than you can imagine. Thanks for being my dad. I'll always be your little girl, daddy!

Nap time will be the death of me

I don't know how other mothers handle nap time, but 3 year old twins plus nap time can often bring lots of tears. I'm actually writing this while they sleep (cross your fingers that they stay asleep longer than an hour), but some of the most frustrating and ugly parts of the day happen while trying to put two tired children down for a nap. Ever since I started trying to be consistent with nap time, I've often seen how it relates to a lot of things in life. Mostly it's shown me a glimpse of my life and surrender.

A tired little girl will want me to rub her legs until she falls asleep.
A tired little boy will do everything he can to convince himself and me that he isn't actually tired... While yawning and crying and rubbing his eyes and talking to himself to keep awake.

I remember nap time when I was little. I remember thinking I was so sneaky, pretending that I was asleep until mom left the room and then feeling so accomplished.

Maybe these kids not giving into sleep frustrates me most because I know that it is what is best for them, because I see how tired they are. It's also for my own sanity, because they will be more tolerable with sleep, and I do need a break of my own to recharge while they nap.

I can see the same thing happen when I don't surrender my life to God. He knows that's what's best for me and deep down I know it is too, but I fight so hard against it thinking my way is better and that I'll miss out on something if I listen and give in.

When I said many tears are shed during nap time, I didn't mean only for the twins. I've been brought to tears with frustration. The picture in my head of nap time going smoothly and having nothing to worry about while each child lays down and falls asleep within minutes because they are angels.. THAT picture is the furthest thing from true 98% of the time. Instead it's screaming and shouting, my patience being tried and wanting to yell all while knowing that will only add to the terribleness.

I often hear "you're not my friend, miss Hannah", or "I'm not your boy, I'm daddy's boy". I normally think, "that's fine, I'm not supposed to be your friend, you're just supposed to listen to me." I'm glad that's not exactly God's response. He is so much more gentle and patience while reminding me that being the creator of the universe and being God means He will always be right.

The funny thing about naps is that the twins don't want to wake up then... I feel that the same thing happens after we have given up our fight and surrendered. It's so much more freeing and we feel refreshed, but we can't get enough of it.

I don't know about you, but life is exhausting when I feel like I need to know what is going to happen every second of my life instead of trusting that when I'm trusting God with my life and plans that he will lead me where I'm supposed to be next at the right time.

And just like nap time comes around just about every day, surrender needs to be a daily act too. Because if not, I'm about to turn into a sleepy, crabby, exhausted person. Somedays I know I'm not surrendering, I'm impatient cause I want to be in charge. Like the days that the twins don't nap, those can be the worst days.

Matthew 6-
25 For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
26 look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barbs, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them! Are you not worth much more than they?
33 but seek FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Surrender to God.

Proverbs 16:20
He who gives attention to the word will find good, And blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.

Mushrooms Smell Like Cat Poop

Yes, I do realize that it has been 5 months since I last ranted about something. So, I figured I would bring you all up to speed on what I'm doing... actually, I'm really posting this because I'm the new Social Media Queen of Canary Labs(Don't you wish you had that title ;) and it reminded me that I'm pretty terrible at remembering to blog unless I have something that I feel like I need to tell the world- or all 8 of you who read this. 

So here is my rant about non-important things:

1. Granted, I'm a lot like my dad, but he is a sore loser. He will cheat to win, which is why I'm losing in Words with Friends. Really, our Stern philosophy is that it doesn't matter how you get there, but you must be the winner. Sort of. 

2. What is the deal with selfies?! yes, I take them, like 98% of the world, but I just feel really vain. And then you post said-selfie on Instagram and get like 20 likes and then you're even more vain cause you think you're pretty popular!

3. I've edited my blog to (hopefully) have a better presentation, what do you think? Nope. I can't keep pretending that you're sitting right there on the edge of your seat, waiting to give your response. 

4. There are some people who I work with... who I am positive will give me some rude remark. I might be setting myself up for this one though. Although, they really don't need a reason to criticize me, they will find one no matter what I do. Haters gonna hate. 

5. You should go check out my Canary Labs Blog.

6. I just booked my flight to Florida for the end of this month, I'm ready to be out of this 7 degree weather!

7. These are no longer rants, they've become random sentences thrown together. 

Okay, so this pretending to be a mother thing- It's hard sometimes. Seriously, all you moms- You don't get a break often enough. I only have to nanny a few days a week, but most times, I'm ready to sleep a few hours after being around the 4 kids that I watch. If I could give you a 90 second clip of my day- actually, I couldn't. There are way too many things that go on, 90 seconds would not be long enough to give you the whole perspective. But here is what a rough estimate of my day looks like: 

• 80% checking the children to make sure they are not putting themselves in danger since the last 30 seconds that I checked them.
• 5% breaking up fights
• 2% meal prep
• 3% cleaning up after them
• 6% negotiating with them, because these kids' charm skills are off the charts!
• 4% anything else that comes up through the day

This is representation of a good day. But, lets face it, that's not every day. In fact, that's not most days. But days when I'm feeling burnt out and discouraged, I remind myself why I do this- why I love kids and spending time with them:

It's all worth it when it's for:

• The times that I walk in the door and am quickly greeted with, "Ms Hannah! I missed you!" after having not seen me for 2 days. 
• The times when I'm busy doing something else, but the cutest little boy yells "Miss Hannah, I want you!" which probably means that I will spend the next hour playing with cars or airplanes.
• The hugs, the kisses on cheeks, and my personal favorite- the early morning or right after nap time snuggles.
• The pictures and notes that I get- even after mornings of having fought with them to do their homework and receiving much sass. I'd say that's a pretty spot on drawing. 
• The times when I see them getting along like angels, even if it won't last for long. 
• The hilarity of these kids, I sometimes laugh harder at what they say than any joke I've heard. 

So, discouraged mother who needs a vacation from her problems, remind yourself why everything is worth it. It won't last forever- like any low point in life. 

Just as I don't only see these children as their ornery, sometimes naughty selves, but yet look at their qualities and the love that they have to give, I'm reminded that that's how Christ looks at us! Oh my lanta, how glad I am that God doesn't look at me as my flaws and yet sees me as His child, forgiven. I'm sure that I can be hard to handle, but through Jesus I'm 100% redeemed- those sin's that I struggle with don't define me anymore!

Matthew 18:1-6 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 2 And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, 3 and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.5 And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; 6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Faith like a child. Think of the love and trust that a toddler gives to their parent- that's to be our love for God. They hold nothing back. Yet as we grow up and the world inflicts us, we become guarded, instead of fully surrendering and throwing ourselves into the arms of God. What insight a parent has on this subject! It's crazy to me that God allows us to have that same example of a relationship from a parent to a child that He has with us.

Title reference: I do hate mushrooms, but I would never compare them to cat poop. That was a certain little boy's statement while he picked them off of his pizza.