Dad's day

I'd been thinking of a father's day post for a while and then it snuck up on me. Father's day now means more to me than it ever had before. Within the last few years I've come to appreciate and realize how much of an impact my dad has made on my life.

Today was way more emotional than I thought it would be, maybe because I don't think I'm too emotional of a person or because I'm a little exhausted from the past week of camp, but nevertheless it was. I almost cried in church when a video was shown to portray the example a father is to their son especially. It broke my heart to think of the men and women who never had a good example of a father in their life, maybe because their father passed away or their dad was just a deadbeat. 

I recently spoke at a father/daughter banquet, which isn't normally my thing to speak in front of people, but I was really excited about what I was going to say. It was definitely a thing from God, as the subject I was to speak about was something that God had laid on my heart a while ago. And this is what I talked about:

My relationship with my dad gives me a picture of the relationship I have with God. Granted my dad isn't perfect like my Heavenly Father, but I can still learn a lot about God from my dad.

When God gave Adam his wife, Adam named her 'Eve'. By naming her, Adam was showing he took responsibility for her. The same happens today with last names- I will have my father's last name until marriage and that is symbolic of the change in responsibly from my dad to my husband. So being single means my dad is the man responsible for me. My dad wants to look after and protect me, but it's also my responsibility to be obedient to him and show him respect.

Looking back, I'm extremely thankful that my dad was protective of me, especially in my teenage years with guys, even though in the moment I often felt like a princess locked in a big castle away from the world. I know my dad was that way because he loved me and didn't want me to be hurt by young men who weren't right for me.

Another way I know my dad loves me is that he provides for me and blesses me with good things. My dad treats me like a princess- aka buys me lots of ice cream. My dad isn't overly affectionate with his words, but shows me through his actions: He hasn't kicked me out of his house(yay for saving up money). He doesn't let me believe the lies I tell myself about making sure I need to get ahead in life and find a job that makes the most money. He's provided me with a job(even if it means I have to deal with people like Chris Brooks and Ken Wyant on a daily basis, I'm still thankful anyway). He helps me by making sure my car is running properly and such. In all of those ways I can see my dad loves and values me.

God provides for us, God protects us with His rules and guidance. He wants and knows what is best for us, even if we don't like the answers and ways He shows us. God will not always give us what we want, be He will always give us what we need. God also values us more than any earthly being ever could, He wants to be our king and treat us like royalty. He constantly provides for our needs.

My earthly dad's love for me has effected me in ways I'm sure I can't fully see or understand. But one thing I know is that my dad's love has shown me how to be okay in my own skin. I'm confident in myself because my dad and my brothers have shown me that they love me for who I am: weird, corny, unladylike at times, just me. And I'm perfectly fine with me the way I am.

I've seen many of my friends who don't have godly fathers run after other guys to try to get that love and attention they so badly wanted from their dads. It doesn't have to be that way, but parents do make a huge difference in the lives of their kids, and neither the child or parents often understand that. 

Moral of this story: dad's help shape us into who we are. So if you have a dad who loves you, be thankful and tell him so often. Godly parents are a gift!

For many of you who don't: be thankful for a God who is far better than any earthly father we could ask for. There should always be men in the church who can give you a glimpse of what a Christian father looks like, learn from them.

To my dad- I love you more than you can imagine. Thanks for being my dad. I'll always be your little girl, daddy!

Nap time will be the death of me

I don't know how other mothers handle nap time, but 3 year old twins plus nap time can often bring lots of tears. I'm actually writing this while they sleep (cross your fingers that they stay asleep longer than an hour), but some of the most frustrating and ugly parts of the day happen while trying to put two tired children down for a nap. Ever since I started trying to be consistent with nap time, I've often seen how it relates to a lot of things in life. Mostly it's shown me a glimpse of my life and surrender.

A tired little girl will want me to rub her legs until she falls asleep.
A tired little boy will do everything he can to convince himself and me that he isn't actually tired... While yawning and crying and rubbing his eyes and talking to himself to keep awake.

I remember nap time when I was little. I remember thinking I was so sneaky, pretending that I was asleep until mom left the room and then feeling so accomplished.

Maybe these kids not giving into sleep frustrates me most because I know that it is what is best for them, because I see how tired they are. It's also for my own sanity, because they will be more tolerable with sleep, and I do need a break of my own to recharge while they nap.

I can see the same thing happen when I don't surrender my life to God. He knows that's what's best for me and deep down I know it is too, but I fight so hard against it thinking my way is better and that I'll miss out on something if I listen and give in.

When I said many tears are shed during nap time, I didn't mean only for the twins. I've been brought to tears with frustration. The picture in my head of nap time going smoothly and having nothing to worry about while each child lays down and falls asleep within minutes because they are angels.. THAT picture is the furthest thing from true 98% of the time. Instead it's screaming and shouting, my patience being tried and wanting to yell all while knowing that will only add to the terribleness.

I often hear "you're not my friend, miss Hannah", or "I'm not your boy, I'm daddy's boy". I normally think, "that's fine, I'm not supposed to be your friend, you're just supposed to listen to me." I'm glad that's not exactly God's response. He is so much more gentle and patience while reminding me that being the creator of the universe and being God means He will always be right.

The funny thing about naps is that the twins don't want to wake up then... I feel that the same thing happens after we have given up our fight and surrendered. It's so much more freeing and we feel refreshed, but we can't get enough of it.

I don't know about you, but life is exhausting when I feel like I need to know what is going to happen every second of my life instead of trusting that when I'm trusting God with my life and plans that he will lead me where I'm supposed to be next at the right time.

And just like nap time comes around just about every day, surrender needs to be a daily act too. Because if not, I'm about to turn into a sleepy, crabby, exhausted person. Somedays I know I'm not surrendering, I'm impatient cause I want to be in charge. Like the days that the twins don't nap, those can be the worst days.

Matthew 6-
25 For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
26 look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barbs, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them! Are you not worth much more than they?
33 but seek FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Surrender to God.

Proverbs 16:20
He who gives attention to the word will find good, And blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.

Mushrooms Smell Like Cat Poop

Yes, I do realize that it has been 5 months since I last ranted about something. So, I figured I would bring you all up to speed on what I'm doing... actually, I'm really posting this because I'm the new Social Media Queen of Canary Labs(Don't you wish you had that title ;) and it reminded me that I'm pretty terrible at remembering to blog unless I have something that I feel like I need to tell the world- or all 8 of you who read this. 

So here is my rant about non-important things:

1. Granted, I'm a lot like my dad, but he is a sore loser. He will cheat to win, which is why I'm losing in Words with Friends. Really, our Stern philosophy is that it doesn't matter how you get there, but you must be the winner. Sort of. 

2. What is the deal with selfies?! yes, I take them, like 98% of the world, but I just feel really vain. And then you post said-selfie on Instagram and get like 20 likes and then you're even more vain cause you think you're pretty popular!

3. I've edited my blog to (hopefully) have a better presentation, what do you think? Nope. I can't keep pretending that you're sitting right there on the edge of your seat, waiting to give your response. 

4. There are some people who I work with... who I am positive will give me some rude remark. I might be setting myself up for this one though. Although, they really don't need a reason to criticize me, they will find one no matter what I do. Haters gonna hate. 

5. You should go check out my Canary Labs Blog.

6. I just booked my flight to Florida for the end of this month, I'm ready to be out of this 7 degree weather!

7. These are no longer rants, they've become random sentences thrown together. 

Okay, so this pretending to be a mother thing- It's hard sometimes. Seriously, all you moms- You don't get a break often enough. I only have to nanny a few days a week, but most times, I'm ready to sleep a few hours after being around the 4 kids that I watch. If I could give you a 90 second clip of my day- actually, I couldn't. There are way too many things that go on, 90 seconds would not be long enough to give you the whole perspective. But here is what a rough estimate of my day looks like: 

• 80% checking the children to make sure they are not putting themselves in danger since the last 30 seconds that I checked them.
• 5% breaking up fights
• 2% meal prep
• 3% cleaning up after them
• 6% negotiating with them, because these kids' charm skills are off the charts!
• 4% anything else that comes up through the day

This is representation of a good day. But, lets face it, that's not every day. In fact, that's not most days. But days when I'm feeling burnt out and discouraged, I remind myself why I do this- why I love kids and spending time with them:

It's all worth it when it's for:

• The times that I walk in the door and am quickly greeted with, "Ms Hannah! I missed you!" after having not seen me for 2 days. 
• The times when I'm busy doing something else, but the cutest little boy yells "Miss Hannah, I want you!" which probably means that I will spend the next hour playing with cars or airplanes.
• The hugs, the kisses on cheeks, and my personal favorite- the early morning or right after nap time snuggles.
• The pictures and notes that I get- even after mornings of having fought with them to do their homework and receiving much sass. I'd say that's a pretty spot on drawing. 
• The times when I see them getting along like angels, even if it won't last for long. 
• The hilarity of these kids, I sometimes laugh harder at what they say than any joke I've heard. 

So, discouraged mother who needs a vacation from her problems, remind yourself why everything is worth it. It won't last forever- like any low point in life. 

Just as I don't only see these children as their ornery, sometimes naughty selves, but yet look at their qualities and the love that they have to give, I'm reminded that that's how Christ looks at us! Oh my lanta, how glad I am that God doesn't look at me as my flaws and yet sees me as His child, forgiven. I'm sure that I can be hard to handle, but through Jesus I'm 100% redeemed- those sin's that I struggle with don't define me anymore!

Matthew 18:1-6 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 2 And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, 3 and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.5 And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; 6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Faith like a child. Think of the love and trust that a toddler gives to their parent- that's to be our love for God. They hold nothing back. Yet as we grow up and the world inflicts us, we become guarded, instead of fully surrendering and throwing ourselves into the arms of God. What insight a parent has on this subject! It's crazy to me that God allows us to have that same example of a relationship from a parent to a child that He has with us.

Title reference: I do hate mushrooms, but I would never compare them to cat poop. That was a certain little boy's statement while he picked them off of his pizza. 

You know me

I'm sitting here eating eggs and bacon at 12:46. Did you need to know that? no. Did you care? probably not.

"You know every detail of my life. For You are God and You don't miss a thing"

This song- It's my go-to most days. I don't even know if I can count the amount of times I've listened to it. On bad days. On good days. It's a song I listen to when I just want background noise.

What's mind boggling to me is that a God as infinite and powerful as mine would love me as much as He does. He knows every.detail.of.my.life... How foolish of me to be discontent with my life when I have the God who made the universe loving me more that I can fathom! Why do I get so upset when others don't treat me like I'm important to them? I have all that I need. All the love I could ever want, but still my wandering heart chooses to tell me that's not enough.

You know when I rise or when I fall
When I come or go, you see it all
You hung the stars and you move the sea
and STILL you know me

God isn't too busy for me and He is in control of the whole universe! Sometimes I just sit here and cry. I cry because I'm overwhelmed by how unworthy I am of His love and yet He shows me His goodness over and over again without regret. I can't hide from His love. No matter if I think I deserve it or not. I cry because I'm not thankful enough for how much He cares about me. If I can't find satisfaction in His love, there is no where that I can find satisfaction.

Then through my tears, I laugh. What kind of crazy being could love me enough to know every detail about me?! My imperfections- no matter how ugly and loves me anyways. My wants and desires- and whether they match up with what is best for me. My joys- and the fact that He was the one who created them (aka people and food).

God is love. So what a joy it is to be able to love Him back. His love fulfills me. So from that, I can be filled with His love which strengthens me enough to love others even when they don't love me back.

Psalm 118:1
Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; his lovingkindess is everlasting.

Psalm 116:1-5
I love the LORD, because He hears my voice and supplications.
Because He has inclined His ear to me, Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.
The cords of death encompassed me and the terrors of Sheol came upon me;
I found distress and sorrow. Then I called upon the name of the LORD:
"O LORD, I beseech You, save my life!"
Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yes, our God is compassionate.


Thank you Lord, for this love that I in no way deserve.

Romans 8:5-9

For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, 
but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 
For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 
because the mind set on the flesh is hostile towards God; 
for it does not subject itself to the law of God, 
for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. 
However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. 
But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. 
Romans 8:5-9

Those who are according to the flesh (unbelievers) set their mind on the things of the flesh (worldly things). BUT those according to the Spirit (believers) set their mind on the things of the Spirit (heavenly matters). 

Man, that's pretty convicting for me. What are my thoughts consumed with? Often I focus on me, my problems and worries, the things that make me happy- some pretty worldly perspectives. But as a believer, my mind is to be fixed on my Savior and how I can please Him.

For the mind set on flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile towards God. 

This couldn't be more true. When I'm focused on the things of the flesh, I feel empty, lost, overwhelmed with doubt because my worldly focus ends in death and in that moment, I'm not living like God is in control. So, when I change my thoughts to things of the Spirit, I remember life and peace: things that only come from Christ and His words. When I am in God's word, I feel a peace like I cannot feel in any other circumstance. I'm no longer focusing on myself and how I can better myself, but changing those thoughts to how BIG our God is and how He is the only one who can change me when I'm surrendered to Him.

for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

How scary is that statement? those who are in the flesh cannot please God. If I hadn't trusted Christ as my Savior, I could try my best to please Him, but it's impossible! All efforts of pleasing God are futile if one does not know Him.
I'm really not that much of a people-pleaser, I couldn't care less about what some people thought of me. But, if I hold someone in high regard, I care more than anything about pleasing them: my parents, those in leadership over me, most of my friends, ect. In the same way, I want my life to be a burnt offering to Him, a soothing aroma, something that is pleasing to Him. I want to make Him happy with the way that I go about things. So, I must subject myself to the law of God. He who gives attention to the word will find good, and blessed is he who trust in the LORD. Proverbs 16:20 

However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. 
But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. 

Because the Spirit of God dwells in me, I belong to Him, I am not in the flesh, so things would be counteractive to have my mind set on the flesh. My selfish thoughts are not beneficial, they leave me feeling empty and if that's the case, why wouldn't I focus on the Creator? He walks with me through my problems, I can rest in Him and feel comfort.



Lord,
 Help me change my thoughts: To focus on You- God, You are bigger than I can fathom. You're holding the world in Your hands. Help me focus on what You want from me to have me be pleasing to You. Help me surrender my ways to You, today and everyday. It's such a simple concept, but I often want control. Mold me and break me if that's what it takes, so that I can rest in You.

The Great Author

To say to me that the Bible or any book in it is boring or uneventful, I would tell you that you’re not reading the same book as I am. Try teaching it to 3^rd graders and you will see what I mean. I’ve been going through the book of Genesis with my 3^rd grade Sunday school class and within the 2 or 3^rd week, I was already asked about circumcision and concubines… Oh boy.

The Nephilim in Genesis 6, Genesis 19 with homosexual men in Sodom and Gomorrah and the end of the chapter when Lot’s daughters lay with him to preserve the family, or Jacob’s daughter Dinah being raped- these just being a handful of stories that are not often talked about and that's only in the first 30 chapters of the Bible! It is challenging to talk about these stories without explaining things that 3^rd graders don’t need to know about, but the principles are always there and hopefully I’m able to convey them properly.

You and I have no excuse to not study the word of God: to ask ourselves why God would choose to put these stories in His letter for us?

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

I think it’s amazing that a book as old as the Bible would still be so relevant to the ever changing times that we live in. A book that touches on every aspect we face in our daily lives- inspired by the One who made and holds everything in its place. Why wouldn’t we want to know everything about the book that points us to our gracious and loving Savior?

Last year I spent 10 months in Florida with 11 other students in a program called Great Commission Bible Institute.  Our goal was to study this entire letter that was not written to us, but was written for us. It was the most convicting, growing and inspiring time of my life. But just because I graduated the program doesn’t mean I stop learning and studying and now I get the privilege of teaching it to kids in my hometown church.

I hope and pray that my life is shaped and changed more and more with every word that I read, that it’s not only head knowledge, but that it’s heart knowledge.

 The more you read the Bible, the more you will love its author. –AW Tozer

Sin- a big deal

 Sins that once bothered you- won’t affect you anymore. It doesn’t just happen in a day, it happens over a long period of time. I mean, look what happens throughout the world. What used to be appalling starts to become the norm- Abortions, couples living together out of wedlock, teen pregnancy, immodesty, bad morals.

The first example that came to mind was bikinis. I know, they are popular today, even for Christians. But your choices are seen by the non-believing world. 

In the 1890’s, ladies swimwear had weights sewn into the bottoms to prevent the suit from riding up and their legs showing. Then as time moves on, in 1907, Australian swimmer and performer Annette Kellerman(to the left) was arrested on a Boston beach for wearing a formfitting one piece. Then in the 1940’s, midriffs were exposed and swimsuits became made of less and less material.  In 1946, Louis Reard, came up with the “smaller than the world’s smallest swimsuit” and named in the Bikini because he predicted that it would be as explosive as the U.S. military’s nuclear testing at Bikini Atoll. At first, none of the Parisian models dared to wear the design. So a nude dancer was the first woman to ever wear and model a bikini. A nude dancer was the only woman daring enough to begin the new trend, you know why? Cause she was a nude dancer. From there- women in bikinis were shown on the covers of Playboy and Sports Illustrated. Today, no one has a problem with everyone wearing them. Of course it is legalistic to say that no woman who respects herself should wear such a swimsuit. Of course time has changed our view of what is acceptable in woman’s dress, but have we evaluated what we think is right and why our culture has decided that these things are right?

Don’t base your judgment on someone else’s judgment. You have to decide what is right and wrong for you according to God’s Word. My point is- have we really sat down and thought through why something is and is not okay? Or have we desensitized ourselves to something that is blatantly wrong?

God’s people have done it all through scripture, so this isn’t anything surprising. But in Leviticus, when God gave the law to His people, the theme behind it was “Be holy, just as I am holy”. We’ve seem to have strayed a long distance from that statement. If I reminded myself of that statement every day and multiple times a day, it would change me. How haunting is that statement? Be holy, just as God is holy. The man who is without fault and that is how we are supposed to be. We mess up, because we are not perfect, but we are called to live to the highest standard!

 In 2 Kings 22-23, the book of the law was rediscovered in the time of King Josiah. God’s people LOST His Word’s to them. Why? Because over time God’s people slowly became less and less interested in His words.

I pray that God gives me a sensitivity to sin, that I would be evaluating my choices and actions and making sure that His opinion of me is the only one that would affect me. Just as David said in Psalm 51:

1 Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. 4 Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak and blameless when You judge.

The whole chapter is David pouring out his heart and feeling the guilt of his sin. And he felt that way, because he was sensitive to sin. When we care more about God’s commandments and pleasing him with our lives, then we will understand what He thinks is acceptable and worthy of bringing Him praise.

How empty would your life be without God? What purpose is there other than pleasing Him?

I was going to write a different article about pleasing God, but it fits in pretty well with what I just talked about.

Newsflash people: Praying "the prayer" isn’t a get out of hell free card. When you decide to follow God and love Him, your life changes. You become sensitive to sin. How can you love someone and NOT show them? If you don’t show them, what are the chances that they really matter to you? Very slim. That sounds like a pretty miserable marriage going on.

Love is about seeing what someone else needs and putting your own selfish desires aside. So, if that is the case, why have we made it seem like you can just “pray the prayer of salvation” and then you will magically end up in heaven after living a life that has nothing to do with pleasing a real God. If you live your life like God doesn’t exist, then I’d say that’s exactly what you believe. I’m thinking a lot of people are going to end up in Hell when they’ve gone through their whole life thinking they were in the safe-zone of Christianity.

You’re saved by God’s grace. Why live in sin any longer? That is what God freed you from! Romans 6:1-4 says it perfectly:

1 What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? 2 May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? 3 Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? 4 Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.

How you live your life reflects your true beliefs. So -how are you living?